


True Happiness

by fangirlingovermishacollins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, The Empty (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingovermishacollins/pseuds/fangirlingovermishacollins
Summary: Cas could have all the chick flick moments he wanted. He could have everything, he could have his true happiness, when Dean saw him and held him in the kind of embrace not intended for a friend only. Cas could have Dean-- all of him, until there was nothing left to give. Even then, Cas was welcome to take and take until he was satisfied.Dean's heart beat a bit faster at the prospect of giving the angel everything.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 85





	True Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> I own none of the things referenced in this fic!
> 
> Thanks for choosing to read this, haha!

It was Sam who found the spell. He had been digging through books one minute and the next minute he'd been running to find Dean, who was currently busy drinking and trying to find some respite from the constant loop of Cas's confession that played in his head. 

Of course Dean also saw Cas's tear-streaked face and smile every time he closed his eyes, and it made him feel so damn hurt. Cas's happiness-- his true happiness-- was Dean and Dean only. He'd come clean and the son of a bitch was smiling and at peace, almost, when he was taken.

After it happened, Sam and Jack returned to the bunker and found Dean on the floor in the exact same position he'd been in when Cas left. His phone was lit up with unread texts and missed calls from Sam, but not a single one of either of the two had been acknowledged. Sam told Dean later that night that he'd been worried and angry with him, but that Dean didn't deserve to be scolded or yelled at after all he'd witnessed and been told. Sam was what Dean tried to focus on now, not the long-gone angel with blue eyes who loved him.

"Dean!" Sam nearly yelled, no doubt afraid that Dean had drank until he was either dead or passed out. "Dean?!"

"'M in here, Sam," Dean said when Sam was close to the kitchen. He would have been in his room, but he'd just drained another bottle and Cas was still on his mind; that naturally meant more alcohol.

"How many is that?" Sam asked worriedly, pointing to the beer Dean had started in on and the second in his other hand.

"Does it even freaking matter, Sammy?" Dean asked his brother accusingly, narrowing his eyes. Sam's face softened. Dean had no idea how bad he must have looked for Sam to look at him with so much damn _pity_.

"Never mind. I found something," Sam said urgently. He thrust the book in front of Dean and pointed a single finger at the spell. "Look."

One look at the spell and Dean shook his head. "No way. It can't--" he began saying, "it's not gonna work. Why the hell'd you even show me, huh?"

"We have most of the ingredients, Dean, and for the grace part Jack can help us out," Sam argued.

"You know why I'm not even gonna try? Because Cas loved me, and I'm feeling so damn guilty because I never told him the same! I said 'Cas, don't do this' as he was crying and I freaking hate it! I never told him that--" Dean cut himself off before continuing-- "that I loved him too, do you know how that feels?!

"If this doesn't work, then damnit, it'll kill me, Sam!" Dean yelled with tears filling his eyes. "Don't make me hope for some crap that has no way in hell of working."

Sam exhaled. "Fine, Dean. But I'm not giving up on Cas, and neither should you." With that, Sam turned and left, and Dean was left feeling worse than ever.

~

Dean caved less than a day later. He was unable to get Sam's words out of his head. _"I'm not giving up on Cas, and neither should you."_ If Cas ever realized that Dean had lost all hope... just the thought of how Cas would react was enough to kick his ass into high gear.

He walked into Sam's room with purposeful strides, interrupting his younger brother's reading. Under any other circumstances Dean would have teased Sam for being a nerd. "Do it, okay? Get it the hell over with."

"By 'it,' you mean-" Sam started to ask, shutting his book and looking up at Dean. "You mean the spell?"

"What else, Sam? Of course I mean the damn spell." Dean crossed his arms. "Get it done before I change my mind." 

Sam rolled his eyes but stood up. "I'll get Jack," he said as he clapped Dean on the shoulder. "And Dean? I'm proud of you for not deciding to give up. If I had the chance to see Elieen again, I'd be scared of it not working out too."

Dean sighed. "Yeah, yeah. If this goes wrong I'm going to kill you," he said halfheartedly. "Now go. No chick flick moments, Sammy." He firmly patted Sam's back to get him moving.

Sam chuckled and went on his way; he seemed relieved that Dean wasn't wallowing in sorrow and drinking his pain away. Of course this meant that Dean wouldn't tell Sam about the two or three beers he'd already had to drink earlier. And they'd done absolutely nothing.

He stayed in Sam's room a second longer, taking in the sight of a bedroom that wasn't littered with empty (and possibly broken) bottles. Then Dean thought about what Sam had told him about Eileen. He had to laugh at his own expense. Cas had called him selfless and said he was so many great things, but the hunter hadn't even considered how Sam felt about losing Eileen. He'd been too wrapped up in his own orbit of pain and loss to think about anyone else-- not even his own brother.

And Sam was clearly coping so much better than him. He'd had to get through the loss of the girl he'd loved (Sam hadn't said he loved Eileen, but it was pretty damn obvious to anyone with eyes). Sam had been forced to grieve all on his own because Dean was selfishly thinking about himself.

Well, that would have to change, Dean decided.

He waited in the library until Sam found him, Jack following closely. "You sure you're ready, Dean?" Sam asked, concern painted on his face.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Dean assured him. "You okay with this, kid?" he asked Jack.

"I am. I miss him too," Jack admitted, looking down sadly but trying to hide it. Now there was yet another person whose feelings Dean had neglected. And Jack had been Cas's kid, practically. Dean mentally kicked himself. 

If he, Sam and Jack pulled this off, Dean had a lot of things to tell Cas he felt bad about. At least Cas wouldn't criticize him or tell him he deserved to feel like crap for any of those things. If anything, Cas would be understanding. He'd look at Dean with his bluer than blue eyes and say all the right things to make the hunter feel better.

"It'll be okay, yeah? We've got this," Dean said in an attempt to lift Jack's mood. He looked over to Sam. "What're we even waiting for?" he asked. "Let's freaking go already."

Sam laid out the ingredients to the spell. Dean hadn't even noticed he was holding them. "You can wait a little longer, Dean."

Images of Cas's dark hair, pink lips that always looked chapped, and stormy eyes filled Dean's mind. He wanted to see that son of a bitch again so badly it hurt; now his hesitance had been replaced by eagerness. Beer was the furthest thing from his mind for once. "I know, but I really want to see that feathery asshole again," Dean said honestly.

Sam lifted his lips in a grin. "Saving the chick flick moment for Cas, then?" 

Dean shot him a warning glare that was more of an empty threat than anything else.

In his head, he answered Sam. _Yes_. 

Cas could have all the chick flick moments he wanted. He could have everything, he could have his true happiness, when Dean saw him and held him in the kind of embrace not intended for a friend only. Cas could have Dean-- all of him, until there was nothing left to give. Even then, Cas was welcome to take and take until he was satisfied.

Dean's heart beat a bit faster at the prospect of giving the angel everything.

He didn't pay attention to the spell at all, but Jack had him covered. The kid offered to fill him in later on in case Dean wanted to do it again (if it didn't blow up in their faces).

Rather than nod and mumble a "thank you" Dean smiled as best he could and reached out to ruffle Jack's hair, feeling like an unofficial dad. He wondered if his relationship with Cas--because he _would_ have one-- put him in that parental position. 

Sam said the words according to the book, and then it happened. Black goo-like liquid opened like a black hole next to Dean and Jack, following Jack's grace like a stalker following their victim. It took shape steadily in wet phases, and the end result was an oval of nothingness waiting to welcome the nephilim and the hunter along for the ride.

He and Jack took their first steps into the Empty.

~

It was cold, dark, and... well, _empty_.

Dean instantly hated it. Cas deserved better, and damn if Dean wouldn't give that to him or die trying. "Well, what the hell happens now, kid?" Dean asked. "We made it, now what?"

"I don't know," Jack admitted quietly. He was ashamed of it, Dean could tell. He wrapped his arm around Jack's shoulders in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. 

Jack looked up at him. "Don't worry, okay? I'm just as clueless as you, hell, I'm probably worse."

"Do you have a plan?" Jack asked, perking up a bit.

"Hell yeah. I've got a great plan," Dean promised Jack with a bold wink that lit up the kid's face. And then Dean cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "CASTIEL?"

Jack was watching him skeptically. Dean shrugged with one shoulder. "It was worth a shot, come on."

"I guess so." Jack paused before asking with uncertainty, "You're happier now, aren't you?" When Dean raised an eyebrow, Jack elaborated, "Because you're going to see Cas again. You've been hurting ever since-"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I'm so damn excited I can't sit still or even think," he confessed.

~

_"...I can't sit still or even think."_

The voice came as a shock to Castiel, not because he was hearing something other than his own repetitive footsteps echoing around him, but because of who it was. What did it mean that he was here?

"Who's there?" Cas called out, his voice moderately loud. "Hello?"

A second voice joined the first one and Cas felt his heart sink at what it implied. _"You loved him too."_

Jack wasn't asking Dean if he loved Cas, but telling him he did. Cas held his breath, waiting for Dean's answer. 

_"More than anything, damn it. I still do."_

He gasped. Dean loved him... and while Cas had already known that deep down, the confirmation was music to his ears. 

"I can hear you," Cas muttered lowly and hopefully. The desire, the _need_ to be closer to Dean, even if it was just his voice, overwhelmed him. It was almost painful; Cas felt that he would die if he didn't do anything.

Jack brightened up with an idea, Cas heard it in the hopeful tones of his voice. _"Maybe you should say it? Not to me, but if he's here, then..."_

Dean inhaled, taking a moment to collect himself. It was quiet, the sound nearly nonexistent, but Cas had loved Dean for twelve years, before he knew that it was love he was feeling. He'd be able to hear Dean anywhere and at any volume. _"That's one idea,"_ the hunter said.

And then there it was. _"Cas- Castiel, I love you too, angel. You hear me? I'm in love with you, and I need you more than damn near anything, so give me a sign, damn it!"_

"I'm here," Cas tried to yell to Dean. "I'm here!"

But instead of the angel's ideal outcome-- Dean running as fast as his feet could take him, the sight of Dean's emerald green eyes shining with tears, the all-too-familiar feeling of Dean's arms wrapping around him as if he would never let go-- there was nothing. Nothing but a choked-sounding concealed sob. Cas's heart broke into a million pieces.

A few minutes later, sounding defeated, Dean said to Jack, "Let's get the hell out already." 

But Cas wasn't about to give up. With all the strength he could muster up, he cried out into the blackness; one word: "Dean!"

And then he tried again. And again. After the fourth time something changed. There was an undefinable thing pulsing steadily in the distance; it was like the Empty's version of a beacon of light. It illuminated nothing, but stood out enough regardless.

He followed it.

~

Dean didn't feel it at first. It was only after Jack asked if he'd heard something that the hunter realized there was, in fact, something headed their way. It gradually took shape the closer it got; it was oddly humanlike. Blackness molded together like pieces of clay.

The thing headed right for him, not Jack. Dean braced himself for the Empty's wrath, maybe in a body that Dean desperatey longed to touch just one more time, and he feared he'd gotten exactly that when a handsome face and tousled hair came into focus. "What the hell," he breathed.

Cas's lips quirked up in a tentative smile. "Hello, Dean."

When Dean looked at Jack, the nephilim looked pensive. "Cas?" the kid asked, uncertain but willing to believe.

"It's me. Hello, Jack." Dean stared, unable to form words, as Jack rushed into Cas's arms. 

"How? I thought you were really dead," Jack asked, confused. Dean silently asked that same question. 

Cas shrugged. "I was awake again. I was alive when the Empty took me." He risked a glance at Dean as he said it.

Dean's heart picked up speed like he'd just run with Sam in the morning (he'd actually done it once and had sworn against it ever since). He wanted to believe Cas was real and not permanently asleep the way Jack did. Of course, the kid would know better than Dean, who was just a human, so maybe he was more trusting of the guy he was hugging.

"You left so suddenly after telling me all that crap about myself," Dean said, giving maybe-Cas the benefit of the doubt. Maybe-Cas's face fell and it made Dean feel a million times worse. In that moment, Dean knew with crystal clear surety that this was Cas, _his_ Cas.

"I know. I'm sorry." Cas's words were tinged with regret and pain, the kind of pain where you've been irreperably damaged inside and torture was merciful compared to it. "I don't regret it, Dean."

"I never even got the chance to tell you that," Dean said shakily, "I love you too, Cas, you're my goddamn world and nothing's been right since you pulled that 'I love you' and 'Goodbye' crap." A tear broke free from Dean's eye and rolled down his cheek.

"Oh, Dean," Cas said reverently. Those two words held all the affection in the world in them.

"You said you wanted me but knew you couldn't," Dean went on, "but I want it too, hell, it's the one thing I've wanted for years but never tried to get. I want all the corny romantic stuff with you, like seeing you every time I look at my phone because your perfect ass is my lock screen and I love your smile, Cas. I want to bake pie with you and let it burn because we got carried away making out in the kitchen while the pie was in the oven, and Cas, I want to take you out on dates and kiss you goodnight until we're both breathless." 

Nobody else dared to speak. Cas was wide-eyed and his mouth was open slightly. "But I can't not have you, angel, because I've been going through hell every day without you." He swiped at the tears that now boldly raced down the side of his face.

"Jack. Can I-" Dean heard Cas ask. He didn't realize Cas had released Jack from his grasp until a strong hand lifted his chin. He gazed directly into eyes that had seen endless miracles but looked at Dean like the hunter was the most amazing thing out of them all.

"Cas," Dean said helplessly before Cas squinted, titled his head, and sealed their lips together.

No amount of words in any language Dean could list (including the ones he didn't speak) could accurately describe the tenderness and gentle passion that sparked between them at that first contact of his mouth against Cas's. It left the hunter stunned until Cas put one hand to the back of Dean's neck and his short nails caught on skin in their quest to thread in Dean's hair.

And then Dean returned the kiss with earnest, communucating everything he couldn't say with the action. He didn't care that he and Cas were making out in the Empty instead of Dean's bedroom (his preferred place to make out with Cas, because within seconds he'd have been ripping off the angel's clothes). 

It was the best kiss Dean had ever had, and he wasn't willing to let it end. Luckily, neither was Cas. Over a decade of unresolved tension whenever the two of them were in the same room built up and the turnout was a kiss that threatened to burn Dean from the inside out.

He was willing to burn with Cas.

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever known," Cas panted into Dean's ear when they had to pull apart or risk passing out from a lack of oxygen. "Everything about you is perfect to me. Thank you for wanting me back. How did you get here? Dean, are you alright?"

"I am now. Don't worry about a damn thing," Dean promised his angel, because Cas was now his. "Sammy found a spell that opened a portal here, and I was so damn hopeful to see you again, angel, but before then I was freaking terrified to hope, because if it didn't work I'd want to end myself right then and there."

"You must have been hurt very deeply," Cas said solemnly. "Remember that movie you made me watch with you?"

Dean attempted a laugh. "Which one?" he asked. Cas accepted it as a kind of joke and smiled a beautiful, breathtaking smile that forced Dean to remember how to breathe.

"The Shawshank Redemption. At the very end, there was something said about hope." Cas tightened his grip on Dean. "'Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.' Do you remember?"

"I do, but why the hell're you bringing it up, huh?" Dean stroked Cas's back through the many layers of his clothing. 

"Because it's the truth. Hope is a wonderful thing, and to regain that hope in a situation like the one you were in after I was gone tells me you're not going to give up on me easily. You will always fight for me, just as I will always fight to keep you by my side."

"I love you so fucking much," Dean whispered against Cas's jaw before capturing his lips in another kiss.

Jack's voice broke the spell between Dean and Cas. Their little bubble of happiness and all-encompassing love shattered, and Dean had to remind himself not to get pissed off at Jack. He'd have plenty more moments to lose himself in Cas's words, his pure fucking honesty, his intoxicating warmth, and so much more. "We should leave," Jack urged them.

Cas tore his eyes away from Dean, and Dean missed their attention solely being focused on him. "You're right. Something's coming."

The angel tried to push Dean towards the portal, but Dean shook his head firmly. "I'm not leaving you," he promised with a searing sincerity that shocked even him.

"You're very stubborn, Dean," Cas affectionately chastised him. "Jack, you go. We will join you shortly."

"But-" Jack started to argue.

"Go," Dean demanded. Cas's facial expression left no room for objection. Jack sighed, but followed Dean and Cas's order. The hunter turned back to Cas. "What the hell do we do?"

"I don't know yet," Cas reluctantly admitted. If he'd had the time, Dean would have kissed the blush rising on Cas's cheeks; it was just too adorable and he didn't see Cas blush enough.

"What is it anyway?" Dean pressesd on, gesturing in the general direction Cas had looked in. 

Cas looked back hesitantly. "I believe it's-"

Black clothing melded with the back nothingness of the Empty. A scythe menacingly begged its owner to draw blood from Dean or Cas or both. "Billie," Dean muttered. "Now what, Cas?"

"We leave." Billie was still a fairly good distance away but she was skilled with her weapon, and one well-aimed swipe of the sharp blade nicked Cas's leg when she got close enough to the angel.

Cas held back a pained cry and collapsed to his knees. "Dean. Go!" he commanded.

Dean shook his head. He took a step into the portal but held out a hand. "Come on!" he yelled when Cas's face twisted into a grimace. 

Billie watched them, amused. "If he leaves, I leave too, Dean. You bring both of us back or none of us." She smirked down at Cas, Cas's hand now clasped in Dean's tightly. He was probably cutting off Dean's circulation with his grip but Dean wouldn't have it any other way.

Cas drew an angel blade from his sleeve and held the blade in his free hand. Without hesitating he threw it into Billie's chest. She laughed but took a few steps back in surprise.

Dean pulled Cas along behind him when the gap between them and Billie was wide enough. Grunting, Cas let himself be pulled through-

And the portal disappeared as Dean and Cas emerged in the bunker again. Dean knelt down to inspect Cas's leg. "Shit, you okay?" he asked his angel nervously.

"I'll live," Cas assured Dean. "It's only a minor cut, most likely." Dean nodded, still eyeing the cut with suspicion. Cas abruptly wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and his hot breath blew onto Dean's skin as he said, "Thank you for saving me. I truly love you."

Sam's awkward coughing snapped the newly happy couple out of their embrace. Dean rolled his eyes. "Go over to Sammy, angel, before he throws a fit."

"I'll be back momentarily," Cas promised Dean as he got up. As soon as Dean's hands were no longer touching him, Cas shuddered and glanced back at his hunter wistfully. Dean stood up and brushed their fingers together, gently pushing Cas towards Sam with a kiss on the cheek. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Cas's reunion with Sam was shorter than Dean's by a long shot, but still touching to watch and just as meaningful. The angel faithfully returned to Dean and smiled like everything was right for once.

And for once, that was true.

**Author's Note:**

> I KNOW there's probably no spell that actually exists to open a portal to the Empty, but a girl can dream, right? Plus if it gets Dean to Cas, who am I to question its sudden existence?
> 
> And: Jack woke up Cas before by speaking, right? So why can't both Dean and Jack's voices come through to Cas and wake him up? :)


End file.
